If I Cry A Thousand Tears

I`ve been thinking about him alot this pass few days. It bothers me. Alot!! 
Ever since I met him I`m just wondering can we be friends? Is there any chance for us to be friends?? Then suddenly, we became good friends. Then we do chat via facebook. :") HAHA! we simply talked about what will happen tomorrow in school and everything.. but still I was happy we chatted and tease each other until we both felt sleepy.

Thank You for making me feel important in a way. You did. Thank you for teaching me to feel contented. To be like this than never to have at all. And I thank you for making me cry and look so STUPID.

I hope and pray that this will be the last time that I`m gonna cry because of you.
I hope that this would be the last time I`ll gonna cry because of too much sadness, and too much stupidity. 
I hope when I cry again because of you. It`s because of you, so much happiness and contentment. 

And that's what you call PAIN

And you were sure about the choice you had made, or is that you feel you owe me? so my tears won`t be in vain, what made you take away yout "I love you" and give them back to me, maybe neither of us is enough for you, our hearts you should let be. 

I question everyday how could you say you loved me so much as you watched me die inside. your guilt for her killed you,but mine you let ride? Thinking that maybe your happiness is all you had in store, how could you kiss her knowing you didin`t want her to be yours? How could thoughts even mention her name whaen you said it was I you adored? 

Could you really be that confused or were you just because you wanted both? Using me for he "Emothional stand in" while you honered by yout "oath", no one tied you to her but you stayed for the ride, complained tirelessly and begged me to oblige. "Please listen to my heart break of the mistake I`ve made" 
"But I`ll continue to live in turmoil, because her heart is worth your pain" 
"No its not that  want to hurt you but I`d rather you than her" 
"But sit tight and support me and i`ll award you with your turn." 

For months I put your feeling before mine and you couldn`t even see, taunting and shadowed promises were all i received, Expected me to fill her space when the title she still owned, How could you still call her baby and boo still has me thrown, you probably said "I love you back" but never meant a word, Kisses and intimate gestures makes me wonder when my fate will turn, Its either youa re cold or lying to me, because how an unturned heart could put up with this I cannot begin conceive. 

Was it the same with me before she became your "one" trying to mantain "us" till our fun was dune? How may "I love yous" did you really mean, and how many hidden messages did I fail to receive? How long did I make you happy and wasn`t i worth "trying to make it work?" Why did it take you so long to realize what I was worth? 

Will you feel like you need to stay here after our bliss is gone? Will you run back to her to fix what was wrong? Will you realize thath "I`m confused" is an excuse I refuse to buy? "Confused for too long" will be my reply. 

You lied to me and cheapened what e had. Decided what was right for me and made your own plan, forced me to find out the truth for my self. I wish I had heared it before I saw it with my own eyes, a day in history I`ve come to despise.

I wonder sometimes if you defend me or just take it stride, Knowing you, prbably, cwards do what they do, they hide, try to please everyone in spite of who they love, taking for granted I`ll just always be ere as faithful as a cold hand to a glove. 

I didn`t know what to think anymore, the more I learn the more I regret, do you love me because I`m just not her? or you need to forget? Should it escape my memories that you`ve chose her more times than you`ve chosen me? 

I was so inlove and I believed for the first time in my life he wouldn`t let me go, shattered when he told me his feelings didn`t exist, my desert like ducts couldn`t resist, my tears flowed from my soul long after my eyes couldn`t bear anymore, thoughts of you replayed over and over again, I could find no cure. 

So I sit here trying to love like I`ve never been hurt, but too many questions haunt me for this to even begin to work. where to go from here I don`t know. Maybe a new road my heart should go.. 

IF YOU.......

Para sa lahat ng babaeng nasasaktan pero patuloy na nagmamahal. Okay lang 'yan. Dadating ang araw na marerealize din ng mahal mo ang mga dapat niyang patunayan sayo, mga dapat gawin at mga dapat ipakita. Wag kang mawalan ng pag-asa. Wag kang mainip. Be strong. NO PAIN, NO GAIN ika nga diba? easy ka lang ..Don't worry lahat ng mga sacrifices mo para sa taong mahal mo eh magiging worth it din. Lage mo lang tandaan na hindi man ngayon pero maaaring bukas mangyare ang lahat.

Alam ko mahirap. Alam ko masakit pero kahit kailan, kung talagang mahal mo talaga siya bakit kailangang gumive up diba? bakit kailangan pakawalan mo ang isang taong mahal na mahal mo? tanga ka pag pinakawalan mo pa. Hindi naman siguro karumal dumal mga ginagawa o nagawa niya diba? So just go on! Pero pag talagang hindi na kaya LET GO. Mahal mo siya pero dapat lang na mahalin mo rin ang sarili mo. Wag mong pabayaan ang sarili mo. Hindi ka tunay na nagmamahal kung hindi mo kaya o hindi mo alam kung panu mahalin ang sarili mo. Dahil ang lahat ng bagay ay nagsisimula sayo, sa sarili mo.
Kung kayo, kayo. Malay mo diba.. Hindi lang ngayon yung tamang time. Mahalin mo nalang siya kahit magkalayo kayo. Pag nakapagmove on na siya.. hmm.... Manahimik ka nalang sa side kesa makuha mo nga siya pero hindi naman siya masaya sayo.

Kung mahal mo talaga siya, wag mong hayaang makulong siya sa pagmamahal o sa relasyong alam mong kahit kailan hindi siya magiging masaya. Ibigay mo kung anu yung makakapagpasaya sakanya. Pero kasi may mga taong hindi nasasabi yung nararamdaman nila so be careful baka kasi iwan mo siya, sa pagaakalang hindi siya masaya sayo pero ang totoo IKAW LANG KUMPLETO NA ARAW NIYA.

Dati hindi ako naniniwala sa mga salitang SUS! IKAW LANG SAPAT NA EH. Kasi para sakin binobola lang ako. pero nung nakilala ko siya and lumalim na pagtingin ko sakanya? IT IS LIKE HELL pag hindi ko siya nakakasama, pag hindi ko siya nakikita, nakakatext. Siguro sa paningin mo ang O.A. na pero yun talaga eh. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun. Kahit most of the time umiiyak ako dahil sakanya. Kahit most of the time nalulungkot ako dahil sa mga nararamdaman ko towards him. Siguro ganto talaga pag love noh? Hindi mo alam pero andyan na. Hindi ka sigurado pero halatang halata naman. Nasasaktan ka na pero sige paren.